"Oh, no. What do I do?"

by Janis Cortese

"Oh shit . . . I think I'm lesbian."

The first thing you need to do is sit down, take a few deep breaths, and don't panic. It's hard not to -- several of us know that all too well. We've all spent our time in the fetal position. Just asking yourself the question will not make the Earth crack in half, and you aren't damned to hell for simply reading this page and wondering. So go easy on yourself, lean back, and relax. It's so easy to get terrified and wonder what the hell is going on in your head, whether or not you'll ever live a "normal life" with a career, an education, a nice house and a nice car. It's so terrifying to be so completely invisible, to the point where you aren't sure what you are -- because you've never seen it anywhere else. How can you recognize what you've never seen?

These days, people are aware of the existence of homosexuality, and most Americans agree that it's "okay," even if they still don't necessarily know how to handle it. But, as you discover when you are beginning to apply those words to yourself, there is a big difference between recognizing that something has a right to exist and understanding how to identify it.

So, the question becomes, "How do I know?" After all, society is so wrapped up in heterosexual relationships -- it's all we see on TV, in movies, in commercials, and the only kind of relationship that the state recognizes as legitimate -- that you have no idea what it means to be gay. How do you recognize it? A million and one movies about the Sexual Awakening Of The Heterosexual Male abound -- but aside from the stereotypes of the ugly, fat woman with facial hair or the bouncy "Penthouse" frat-boy fantasy sex maniac, what images are there of us? We know all too well what it means to awaken sexually as a straight male -- what does it feel like to awaken as a lesbian woman? And how do you know when you are doing it?

You're perfectly within your rights to be afraid, and to ask yourself these questions. We can't tell you exactly what is going through your head -- your life isn't ours. But we can tell you a little bit about ourselves, and we don't doubt that some things will make sense to you. Hopefully, they will relax you a little bit and help you to see that you are completely normal, and that yes -- society and culture and the people you know in your life who hate and fear lesbians and gay people are entirely wrong in their bigotries.

• "Will I Ever Be Normal?"
• "How Do You Know If You're Gay?"
• "Does God Hate Me?"
• A Straight Person's Guide to Gay Etiquette -- how to handle the coming out process if someone close to you is lesbian, bisexual, or gay
• The Author's Guide to A Straight Person's Guide to Gay Etiquette.
• If any of our readers would like to contribute their stories, please do so! Include in your message whether or not you would like to remain anonymous, and we will be happy to include your experiences.
• More topics to follow later . . .